For the past two nights, I've dreamed of fire. The first night, it was a wild fire. And it was headed straight for the house I was in. This house was in the woods. It was my parents' house. Not their house in waking life. Another house. And there was a wild fire headed straight for it. But nobody seemed to notice or care, except for me. And just when I put my foot down and said we had to leave, as I looked out the window and saw the flames approaching and shadows of trees, just as it seemed we were too late and the house would soon be engulfed by flames, the fire went away. Changed direction. Or died down. Disappeared. And we were safe.
I woke up thinking this must be significant. I never dream of fire. I never dream of fire, and yet it happened again last night.
Last night I dreamed of fire in the heating ducts of a mansion that I was in. And again, it seemed it was up to me to do something about it. It seemed there was some threat, some danger. But in the end, nothing bad happened. Everything was ok.
It's interesting to me that one night the fire was big and out of control, and the next night it was more contained. And in both dreams I was concerned and trying to take action, but in the end, it turned out no action was needed. Nothing burned up. No damage. No harm.
And then I end up on a phone call with one of my teachers, Shakti Malan, and the main point of today's lesson is about just being with the contraction without feeling the need to take action. Committing to awareness and the expansion of consciousness.
[sigh of relief] I take a deep breath.
And then I go online and see this reference to fire, and once again a reminder to pause:
When your emotional world is on fire and you are burning for resolution… pause, touch the earth, and slow way, way down. Set aside the demand for relief, for just a moment, and cut into the hardwired sense of urgency. Something is emerging out of the unseen, dark rich soil of the body, longing to come back into the vastness. See clearly whether it must be shifted, transformed, or healed… for now.
Depending on the unique configuration of your early history – and the specific nature of the relational field around you – you learned to care for yourself by employing one of two strategies. In the face of surging vulnerabilities, you learned to deny, repress, or shut down – or, to react quickly to resolve the burning, scrambling and spinning out toward the world and toward others to regulate the intensity for you.
While it may be tempting to pathologize these early strategies, seen with eyes wide open, they are revealed to have been intelligent, creative, and necessary at the time, to prevent overwhelm and disintegration in the tender brain and raw nervous system of a sensitive little one, who was utterly dependent on the holding field of others.
But here you are now. It is 10, 20, 30, 40 years later – and the same feelings, emotions, and sensations are erupting. The neural pathways of repression and relief are alive and well. The fragrances of fight/ flight/ freeze are inviting you into the old grooves of denial and acting out. The long-lost pieces and the orphaned vulnerabilities are still looking for you, yearning to be allowed back home into spacious being.
And you are here. Now. With capacities you once did not have. With awareness, with compassion, and with loving presence, you can rewire the pattern of self-abandonment with the radical groove of presence, of self-care, and of kindness. You no longer need to abandon yourself with the ancient strategies of repression and relief, but to update your holy nervous system with the commitment to staying close, to practicing intimacy, and to the sacred process of metabolization by love.
But please remember that this new groove is of the unknown, it is unprecedented, and will take practice to implement. It is the neural channel of love, emerging out of the unseen to reorganize the entire known world.
No matter what is surging now in the inner and outer landscape – no matter how invalid or unworkable your present experience appears to be – you are in the perfect place to begin. You can just start right here and right now. And ignite a revolution.
~ Matt Licata
There is so much more I could write about my internal state and external world over the past few days and how it related to these dreams and these messages, but it doesn't matter. The point here is about pausing. About not feeling the frenzy that can be brought on by the fire of transformation. About being present and still enough to hear what is a true call to action rather than a fear-induced attempt to deny, change, or otherwise control things.
So, my dear reader, what can you take away with you from this? Do you need to pause too? Do you need to slow down? Touch the ground? Be quiet and still enough to listen to your Heart? Patient enough to allow the natural evolution and unfolding of whatever process you are in? Trust and faith that you'll be ok, that you are safe?
And as always, I welcome your comments and questions below or via email.....
© 2015 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.
Rebecca Clio Gould is a Certified Sheng Zhen Teacher and Holistic Wellness Coach. Her specialties include self-love, embodied joy, women's sexuality, spirituality, surgery preparation, and trauma recovery. She is also a Supreme Science Qigong Instructor, Essence vs Form Coach, and Award-winning Author of "The Multi-Orgasmic Diet: Embrace Your Sexual Energy and Awaken Your Senses for a Healthier, Happier, Sexier You."