Lately I've been singing out loud while walking Buddy. Not the whole time. And not very loudly. And sometimes I whistle instead. But I never used to do that--sing out loud while walking the dog.
Maybe I'm doing it now because there are less people around, especially in the mornings. But I also sometimes do it a little during our 2nd walk of the day, when more people are out and about.
This morning it was the Inspector Gadget theme song, thanks to watching a YouTube video last night full of 80's cartoon theme songs.
Yesterday it was Back in the Day (Puff) by Erykah Badu. And I think it came to mind because the day before I charged up an old, retired, phone to listen to some music I hadn't heard in a long time. I don't recall this song playing, but it did have a bunch of Erykah Badu in it.
And "Back in the day when things were cool," does go through my head from time to time anyway. And this seems like an appropriate time for those words, considering how things have changed...
Even though I'm doing really well through this pandemic and the stay at home order, and my life actually hasn't changed all that much, thing have changed. Some changes are not so cool. But, to be quite honest, some changes are. I mean, I get to do my favorite thing--teach Sheng Zhen-- 5 days a week from the comfort of my living room AND I can reach more people that way (people who couldn't attend in person classes because of schedule or location).
Nevertheless, "Back in the day when things were cool" goes through my head, and yesterday I was singing it out loud during our morning walk.
I'd alternate between that and... get ready for this... this may shock some of you, but... "The Spirit of God is upon me. Whoa oh oh! The Spirit of God is upon me." I hadn't even heard this song since January or maybe February--whenever it was played in the Inward Journey class I'm taking at the Center for Spiritual Living.
And, yes, someday I will be sharing more about my evolving relationship with the word (and concept) of "God", a word that used to make me feel uncomfortable, a word I used to avoid but now sometimes sing out loud as I walk down the street. But that's not what this blog post is about. So, back to the songs I sing...
The day before yesterday, it was a song I must've heard on the radio last time I drove my car--almost 2 weeks ago. Not sure how else Doobie Ashtray got into my head, even though "back in the day" I used to listen to it a lot. And as I said in the Curiosity Walk, I don't even remember the last time I smoked, so it's weird that these weed-related songs are going through my head. Maybe it's nostalgia? I have been looking at old photos and talking to long-time friends a lot...
So the day before yesterday, and the day before that, I'm walking around singing, "Whatcha gonna do when you're all alone And you wanna smoke weed But the reefer's all gone? Don't front." Actually, it's "What you gonna do when the people go home" but i've been singing it as "whatcha gonna do when you're all alone" since, you know... social distancing and being all alone (other than Buddy).
And maybe that's one reason for the singing out loud--keeping myself company. Being playful with myself. Soothing myself. Entertaining myself. Uplifting myself... and possibly anyone who happens to hear me.
The singing out loud started longer ago than just a few days ago. But that's tied into the story of the "G" word, so I'll save that for another time.
In the meantime, when was the last time you sang out loud while doing something like walking down the street? Or do you miss singing in your car while commuting? Maybe it's time to go for a drive, even if just to sing.
When I leave my phone at home, while walking my dog Buddy, I feel free! Lighter. More present.
When I leave my phone at home, sometimes I wish I had it!
Like this morning... when I was just a block from home and felt a car slowing down and stopping near me, turned around, and saw it was a couple I know who lives several blocks away. Their dog loves Buddy. And pretty sure Buddy loves her too. Sometimes we'd walk together. Sometimes the dogs would play.
But it's been a long time now. So when they pulled over to say hi, and rolled down the windows, with their dog in the back, I wish I had my phone. I wish I could have taken a picture. But I couldn't, because I didn't. And so now I'm writing about it instead.
When I leave my phone at home, I have so many insights, so many ideas! Sometimes. Most of the time. But sometimes, just quiet.
When I leave my phone at home, sometimes I wish I had it so I could record voice memos when those insights and ideas are flowing!
But, oh, how good it feels to go walk without it.
When I leave my phone at home, I see the coolest things!
Like drawings of hearts posted around the neighborhood. Or flower buds about to blossom. Or a bunny rabbit running through a yard. Or this morning it was an almost hidden painted rock that said "spread love only." Or was it "just spread love"? I will see if it's still there the next time I walk and don't leave my phone at home....
When I leave my phone at home, I get to rest my voice. But sometimes I love talking with friends while walking the dog! Sometimes that's the best.
When I leave my phone at home, I get to give my ears a rest, just taking in the ambient sounds. But sometimes listening to music while walking is just what I want and need. Sometimes it even makes me start singing and dancing while walking down the street!
When I leave my phone at home, it's usually a conscious choice. And this morning I chose to go without it. Now I'm about to choose to take it along so that I can talk to a friend or listen to some uplifting songs.
What about you? Do you ever leave your phone at home? When going for a walk or even somewhere else, like the store?
What would it be like to leave it at home? Or at least put it in airplane mode?
Yesterday I felt cranky and kind of down, on and off, throughout the day. Now I'm feeling better, but yesterday was yuck. Not all of it, but some of it. And I feel like it's important to share that since most of what I share on social media and in my blogs is mostly pretty perky and positive. Gotta keep it real, right?! ;-)
So, yesterday I felt cranky and kind of down.
Maybe it was from hearing more sirens than usual--even though I'd also noticed that the previous day and didn't really let it get to me.
Maybe it was from hearing we have another 30 days of staying at home--even though I like staying home and have been handling it quite well the past two weeks.
Maybe it was because I had to send an email to someone who owes me money--even though because of what's happening in the world it would be understandable if this month's the payment needs to be late or can't be paid in full.
Maybe it was just hormones. Day 1 of my cycle is right around the corner. Maybe it's just part of my ebb and flow...
Maybe it's all of this. Maybe it's more.
Maybe it's feeling the collective consciousness.
Maybe it's catching glimpses of disturbing headlines/titles when scrolling through YouTube on my iPad while I'm just trying to find a yoga video or something silly to watch.
Maybe it's because I got an email with some really great news but didn't even feel like I could fully celebrate it because... it's too hard to explain in a vague way, and I don't want to share the whole story yet. But there's something I've been dreaming of doing for a long time, and it needs to be put on hold, despite some recent good news.
Speaking of putting things on hold--here's the last one...
Maybe it's because of grieving the loss of taking Burlesque 101 this Spring, after a few years of putting off signing up--even though I could have agreed to an online version. No. That's not the experience I want. And so I'll wait.
That was my yesterday. My yesterday morning and afternoon.
And then it got better.
I met with a private student online.
Then I taught Awakening the Soul online.
Then I attended Inward Journey online. Inward Journey is a 6-month program I'm in at the Center for Spiritual Living. AND I AM LOVING IT.
So, although most of the day felt kind of icky and uncomfortable, heavy, not so good, I moved through it. And there were even some really wonderful parts of the day and night, too.
So, it's not always all sunshine and flowers in my world. But it also doesn't have to be all dark clouds and mud. We can have both.
"No mud, no lotus." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
It's okay to feel cranky sometimes. It's okay to feel down.
As my private student said last night when I was sharing the "I'm so cute" mantra, "you can feel cranky AND be cute." Yes, when we first got started and she asked me how I was, I told her the truth. I told her I'd been feeling cranky on and off throughout the day. And she gave me permission, just as I would give others. What a gift!
That was yesterday, too: a gift.
Every day, no matter what does or does not happen, every day is a gift.
So, what are you grateful for right now? Take a breath and ask yourself. Consider writing it down.
One reason I've been feeling so good is because of establishing a sense of continuity and normalcy in my routine--as much as possible. And the biggest example of that in my life is that as soon as I found out my in-person classes were cancelled, I moved forward with setting up online classes for Sheng Zhen meditation and qigong.
There are many things we cannot change or control. But this was something I could do to create a sense of continuity and normalcy both for myself and for my regular students. And I knew that would be just as good for our physical and mental health as the practices themselves.
So, after getting the email about class cancellations on a Thursday night, 12 hours after having just taught a class, I emailed some of my students to say stay tuned. And the next day I set up the online classes. I didn't wait for permission. I didn't wait for where I usually teach to come up with an online plan. I knew that on Tuesday I would still be teaching. And I'd teach every Tuesday and Thursday no matter what.
I felt proactive. Of service. And crystal clear.
In addition to it being my joy, I knew, without a doubt, that my regular students would want this. And I knew others would benefit from it too, so I put the word out to the general public.
And it's been amazing. The place I usually teach at on Tuesdays and Thursdays even got their own online plan together and so now even more people are showing up via Zoom!
And students are sharing about how it makes them smile, brings calm, and just how helpful it is now. For my regular students, I'm sure part of the benefit is that sense of continuity, and even "normalcy" even though we're online rather than in person.
So back to that idea of continuity and normalcy in times of big changes and uncertainty....
Like I said above, it's helpful for our health. Especially our mental health. We can't control everything, but there are some things we can control. There are still ways in which we can exercise choice in a way that serves us best.
The truth is, for me, life isn't all that much different because, in addition to being a homebody, I mostly work from home anyway. But the other day while walking my dog, I was thinking that if I were somebody who commuted each day, not just twice a week, this whole "stay at home" thing would probably feel hard and strange.
So, here are some ideas if you're struggling with staying home, especially if you used to work away from home:
1) If you normally commute, consider taking a drive if you have a car, even just a short one during at least one of the times that you're usually on the road. Or go for a walk or bike ride at that time. Or go out into your yard if you have one.
2) As much as possible, maintain the same kind of schedule you had before. If your kids are home, too, maybe this is not fully possible, but hopefully at least somewhat possible. Or maybe you adapt your schedule so that you can fit in some of your "normal" activities before the kids get up or after they go to sleep?
3) If you're not already participating in online group activities (ie meetings, dances, my classes, etc.), consider participating in some group online activities--especially at the times that you used to, before things changed. For example, if you used to attend yoga classes, find a yoga class online, or just practice on your own at that time. Or if you always went out for dinner or a movie or a walk with a certain friend or group of friends, set up some sort of virtual hang out. And if you don't like the group idea? Video call a friend or family member. Reach out. Find ways to connect and interact with others.
I'm going to just leave you with that. I might have some other ideas, but I also am considering rewriting and expanding this to submit to an online journal, in which case it's best not to write it all here first! ;-)
Just get creative. This is a great time to learn how to adapt and think outside the box. It's also a great time to slow down and do some self-reflecting. And it's also a great time to feel your feelings. It's okay if you're feeling sad, scared, anxious, bored, lonely, frustrated, etcetera. I just don't want you to get stuck in those emotions.
And I'm here if you need some support.
IT’S OKAY TO BE HAPPY.
I’ve been feeling pretty fantastic lately, which feels even more amazing because it almost seems as if I’m not supposed to be happy right now. But I am. And that’s okay. You can be happy too. We don’t have to let what’s going on in the world right now take over. We do need to take certain precautions, care for ourselves and others, and respect the current public health and safety recommendations. But we can still feel happy while doing that. It’s possible.
IT’S OKAY TO FEEL SAD.
Maybe you don’t feel happy. Maybe you feel sad, freaked out, stressed out, depressed. Maybe on the outside you look fine but inside you’re a mess. And maybe my happiness even bothers you. That’s okay. Just know that I also felt sad, freaked out, stressed out at times, but then something shifted. I mostly feel good. But yesterday I had a moment of sadness, when I had to ask some woman not to pet my dog. There are ups and downs. There always are.
JUST FEEL WHAT YOU’RE FEELING.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling good right now. There’s nothing wrong with feeling bad right now. There’s nothing wrong with being all over the map. So just let yourself be. Let yourself feel. And let others feel what they’re feeling too.
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.
My heart goes out to those who are struggling. My heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones. We need to take this seriously, but also welcome levity.
Although I have been feeling pretty fantastic lately, there are some things that freak me out and stress me out a bit about what’s happening in the world right now. But I’m not going to get stuck in my thoughts about that.
I’m not going to dim my light or hold back my tears. I’m going to feel it all and keep shining bright in the face of my fears.
Even when I feel down, dark, sad, frustrated, scared, and confused, deep down inside, I know all will be well. Thanks to my Sheng Zhen practice and other spiritual practices and beliefs, I feel rooted in the bliss at my core and know this current situation will pass.
And I have faith in humanity. We can learn from this. We can grow from this. It may not be easy. It may be uncomfortable. But we are resilient and intelligent beings. We are creative, too.
So, yes, feel your feelings and know it’s okay to not feel good right now. But also consider getting creative. What can you do to feel a little better when feeling blue? Maybe giving yourself permission to cry is what you need. Maybe going for a walk and feeling the sun and/or breeze against your skin. Maybe painting or drawing, writing, or cooking. Pulling weeds. Making a video. Playing a song. Dancing. Daydreaming. Meditating. Moving… What is it that you need when you’re feeling down? Sometimes it’s to just simply be right where you are, feeling stuck in those feelings, but sometimes it’s to move through them to move out of them. So, ask yourself, and be honest: what do you need to feel your best right now, even if it’s not going to be a sparkly happy kind of “best”?
If your answer is something you can do, then do it. If it's something like "a hug" but you're alone, well... I am considering creating a guided meditation/visualization for helping your body feel like it's receiving a warm embrace! But until then, just try imagining it on your own or let the earth hug you by lying down on the grass somewhere or even just your floor. This is just one example of something you might need in the moment when you ask yourself what you need--an example I use because "a hug" is often what I need! But I am a pro at finding other ways to get this need met when a hug can't be found. So stay tuned for more on that. Yes, I think a guided meditation or video is about to get added to my "ta da" list!
Until then, breathe deep. Feel your feelings. Stay healthy. Be well!
I just came home from walking Buddy, and I must’ve written about 4 articles in my head--or at least the beginnings of those articles. I’m good at that--thinking of the beginning for a great article, book, etc. But then I get sidetracked, like right now. So, back to the walk! ;)
First, I just felt so happy that I started writing something in my head about feelings, moods, ups and downs. But then I started to wonder, “Is it just the coffee?”
I started drinking coffee this year. Instead of a new year’s resolution to stop drinking coffee, I resolved to start! No joke. For real.
Not every day. But sometimes, especially on days dedicated to working on getting my book done--a book about detoxing. How ironic! Right? Is that the correct use of the word “ironic?” I still get confused about that sometimes...
But coffee! Back to the coffee. Although all this covid-19 craziness threw me off of my book editing schedule, I was drinking some coffee even on non-book-editing-days, just to perk me up a bit. Again, not every day, but enough to mistake heartburn for possible signs of coronavirus! Yep. I shit you not. I was freaked out for a second there.
I’d never had acid reflux before, but after a few days of telling myself I was just having a bad reaction to inhaling clorox wipes, I remembered that one of the symptoms of heartburn is the strange feeling I was experiencing in my throat. So I cut out the coffee for a few days, and my throat feels normal again.
So, naturally, I decided to drink some coffee this morning now that I concluded my experiment! And that is why I wondered if it was just the coffee making me feel so incredibly happy this morning.
It’s probably not just the coffee, but I want to write more about that another time. Soon....
Right now, I want to share more about this “Curiosity Walk.”
My thoughts about feelings got interrupted by a strong smell. “Is that weed?!” I wondered, as I scrunched up my nose and looked around. “Or is it a skunk?”
I don’t think there are skunks around here. Someone must’ve been out on their porch smoking right before I walked by. And that nostalgic smell got me thinking about how long it’s been since I smoked. I can’t remember the last time, it’s been so long. But I could remember the first time, back in high school. And that is definitely a whole other story. Perhaps another time…
My thoughts of weed and high school got interrupted by a loud sound. “Is that a woodpecker?” I wondered. It sure sounded like one other than just how loud it was. Maybe it was some sort of power tool?
Pretty sure it was a woodpecker, but I felt curious. And then I noticed a house that had recently been painted bright blue, and they had a big pile of soil outside and some new landscaping in the works. I wondered if they’re preparing to sell or just doing this upgrading for themselves. Whatever the reason, I felt really happy looking at their bright blue house, their dark brown soil, and all the new plantlife in their front yard. Life goes on...
And that’s when I realized that this was not just a curiosity walk, but a sensory presencing walk. Is that a real term? Or did I just make it up? Sensory presencing… I used to call it a “sensory smorgasbord.” I used to lead gatherings where I’d lead people through a guided meditation, focusing on one sense at a time. Sometimes there was food involved. I also wrote about it in my book, The Multi-Orgasmic Diet.
And then it all came full circle.
This is one reason I’m happy even when times are tough. I am aware. I am in my body. I engage with my senses. I have a playful, curious mind. And I let the simple things delight me and fulfill me.
Not always. But often. Sometimes I forget. But usually I remember--or don’t even need to remember. It’s become pretty natural. And now I’m curious again, wondering if it became natural or if it was always who I was. Is this actually how we all start off when we come into the world? Does the process of growing up dull our senses, take us out of our bodies and into our heads?
And there I go again, into my head. ;) Nothing wrong with that. It's fun to think about things. But sometimes when I'm looking at a screen, I forget to breathe, or don't breathe deep. And I'm craving some movement now. So, I’ll stop this here. It’s time to roll out the yoga mat.... It's time to breathe.
How about you? What are you curious about? And what will you do today to drop into your body?
In the past I would have said that the best thing about having a cold is getting to just lie around doing nothing other than resting. But the truth is I'm really good at doing that, and do it often, without needing a cold as my excuse! ;)
So, this time around, I experienced a new best thing: the bliss of simply imagining how awesome it's gonna feel to feel all better.
For real. It was amazing.
I don't remember the last time I had a cold that lasted so long, so it's a good thing I have a powerful imagination. There were numerous times over the past couple of weeks that I felt totally blissed out, excited, ecstatic just thinking about how great total health and wellness will feel. It was as if I was actually feeling it, not just thinking about it.
And that got me thinking.... Why not do this with any type of problem or any situation of lack? Why not think ourselves into feeling how we would feel if we had what we wanted?
This isn't really a new thought of mine. These aren't new questions. It's actually part of the Essence vs. Form work I've done with Laura Lavigne and am also trained to facilitate in others! It's also a concept shared by those who talk and write about the power of the subconscious mind and/or law of attraction.
But what did come to light while feeling so good, so blissful at times, in the midst of a nasty cold was recognizing why it's easier in some situations than in others. For example, if I have a cold, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it will go away and that I'll feel healthy again. I may not know when. But I know, 100%, that total health is coming my way. So, there's total trust. Total faith. A deep knowing that it's true. Zero doubt.
But what about when there's something in your life you've never had? Or rarely had? It can be harder to really believe that it's coming your way if you've never, or rarely, experienced it. And yet that belief, that trust, that knowing it's on its way is an essential part of getting what we want. Letting go of trying to rush or control or force the timing and how it happens, and yet still believing, still knowing, that it--whatever it is--will happen, that's the key.
And if we feel good by just imagining we have what we want, then who cares how long it takes anyway?
So, the best thing about having a cold, in my opinion, this time around? Lots of practice in feeling good regardless of the conditions, while also savoring the excitement and bliss of knowing the conditions will change for the better one way or another.
This morning I remembered that I'd dropped the ball on getting back to someone about meeting up. My sister-in-law's friend recently moved up here, and we emailed almost two months ago, saying we'd get back in touch in late September to make plans.
But neither of us did. And it was nothing personal. It's just that life happened. Distractions happened. I went in and out of forgetting completely and then remembering but not reaching out because of not being available yet or not having clarity on my availability.
And remembering to contact her this morning, and finally emailing her back about meeting up, comes at the perfect time for me. It makes me laugh. It even soothes my soul a bit. It's like one of those "aha!" moments. Why?
Because there are a few people who I haven't heard from who either said they'd be in touch or who I left messages for that have not yet been returned. And I was starting to make up stories about it. Not for each of them, but for a couple of them. I was starting to take it personally and/or starting to make character judgments or assumptions because of their lack of communication. And that's not really fair. Because here's the thing: we all do this. And although sometimes it can indicate something about someone's character or an unhealthy relationship dynamic, sometimes it really doesn't mean anything other than that life gets busy and distracting, and sometimes we forget.
Sometimes it's not personal. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's a conscious choice. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's about priorities. Sometimes it's not. People get busy. People get distracted. People forget. People drop balls. And sometimes that feels shitty. But sometimes it's okay.
I just love that this happened today because it was like one of those real life examples of that saying about how what we don't like in others is what we don't like in ourselves (or something like that). And I don't like it when I drop the ball. I'm usually really good about following through, especially when it involves others. I usually either do what I say I'm going to do or I let the person know it'll be a bit longer or that I can no longer do what I said I'd do....
Oh, but as I type that I recognize that if I'm being totally honest, then this isn't the only thing at play for me in this situation. In fact, the main thing is probably a childhood wound around rejection and other kids not wanting to play with me. Even though there's plenty of evidence to support that others do want to "play with me," this old childhood wound still wreaks havoc from time to time. And I'm working on it. Admitting to it here feels helpful, like a form of releasing it. And a way to gently hold myself accountable to not let it get the best of me.
I didn't expect this blog entry to go there. But here we are.
So, what's this blog entry really about? It's about not taking things personally, having compassion, and also having the courage to look at what's underlying our painful thoughts and feelings. Is the painful thought and feeling really because of what's currently happening? Or is some old trauma or wound influencing how you perceive what's happening?
This kind of self-inquiry is so important for optimal well-being and personal growth, and for having healthier, happier relationships--both with others and with yourself!
So I invite you to ask yourself those questions next time you catch yourself taking things personally or making up stories about others.
Another helpful tool is the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, from Byron Katie. You can download a free pdf to guide you through a process of self-inquiry, questioning what's really true, and releasing yourself from the bondage of painful thoughts and feelings. Get it here. You can also just identify one painful thought and do "The Work" (Katie's 4 questions at the bottom of the worksheet) rather than going through the entire worksheet. Depends on what's bothering you and if it has anything to do with other people in your life or not.
If you try it out, let me know how it goes.
That's all for now!
Life is short. So, cut the bullshit.
Life is short. So, who really cares?
Life is short. So, live it to the fullest!
Life is short. So, why bother?
Life is short. So, tell them you love them...
You can spin it either way, this life is short thing. It can free you up or bring you down. It can make you an asshole or make you a saint. The choice is yours. It always is...
Life is short. And sometimes it's even shorter than we anticipate. You or someone you love could get diagnosed with a terminal illness, suddenly drop dead from something like an aneurysm, or get hit by a bus. Death can come at any time, to anyone, unexpectedly.
So? So, let's get clear on what matters most. Let's get clear on how we want to live, how we want to treat others. Let's be real. Let's be brave. Let's tell it like it is, with kindness and respect. Let's not hesitate. Because life is short, and you never know when you've had your last chance to be kind, to be honest, to love, to connect, to clear the air, to heal, to inspire, to liberate, to make a difference no matter how big or how small.
Life is short. Although, some say it's eternal. But so what if we continue on? That can be helpful in some contexts, but... This life, this life right now, here and now, this life is short--even shorter, in the grand scheme of things, if you believe we continue on. This incarnation, this body you're in now, this person you are today, how do you want to show up in the world? Who do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered?
Life is short, so cut the bullshit. Cut it all out. Clean it all up. Strive for greatness while loving and accepting yourself along the way. Be honest and expressive. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Otherwise, what is the point? Just putting on some sort of fictional play?
Ugh, I feel tempted to apologize. And yet I know I don't need to. But I'm feeling annoyed, and I rarely write publicly when feeling this way. It's just that I'm writing this after learning this week that two men I went to high school with passed away. I didn't know them well, but I feel the impact of the loss. I feel the grief of their loved ones. My heart goes out to them. And I've also been feeling fed up with bullshit this week--other people's and my own. I'm just done. No more. Bullshit be gone!
What if it were that easy? To just wave a magic wand? Maybe it is. But maybe it takes waving it more than once. I suppose it depends on how much bullshit there is. But why not just abracadabra and poof that shit away once or twice a day, or however often it takes? Might as well try some creative visualization and get playful with it, because, yep, you guessed it: life is short.
I've been having some insights recently about what influences my wants, my desires, my goals. And what I've discovered is that sometimes they're misguided. Even when I think they're not. Even when I'm so sure they're coming from a crystal clear place of love and divine inspiration, sometimes they've been fear-based or influenced by past trauma, old wounds, other people's opinions and societal pressure--or even by something like hormones.
Hormones are a biggy for me right now--or at least they were. Between March and mid-July, I went through 3 egg retrievals to keep my baby-making options open as I approached 40 with a ticking biological clock. I was what a nurse referred to as "fake pregnant" 3 times within a very short period of time. So, my hormones were all out of whack and affecting me in ways I didn't even realize until recently. I've just been starting to feel back to normal over the past few weeks. A normal I hadn't felt in a very long time. And along with that came some big questions, some changes of heart and mind...about various choices, goals, and desires of mine.
And as per usual lately, so much of what I want to say just feels too personal to share right now. I'm still processing and unpacking, unravelling, and clarifying some things for myself. So, although this blog post could be so much better if I revealed more of my personal story, I'm just not gonna do it. At least not today.
Today I just want to explore in a more general way this question of why we want what we want--and how what we want can change.
Or maybe that is all I want to say: What we want can change. And that's okay.
We always have the right to change our minds. Living life in an authentic way means that as we have experiences and collect more data, we just might change. Aspects of who we are and how we show up in the world might change. What we see for our future might change. Our mode of operation might change. Protective mechanisms and limited ways of thinking might fall away. And this is a good thing. It's evolution. It's growth.
It's all good. Just sometimes it feels scary or confusing, especially if it comes on suddenly or feels like a 180. But that's part of the fullness of life: accepting and embracing change. Having the courage to change. Having the courage to rewrite your story as often as needed. And feeling the freedom, the liberation, of that. Feeling the expansiveness of setting yourself free from how you thought things needed to be, if those thoughts and ways of being no longer resonate or serve you.
So, without overthinking things, it is helpful to look at why you want what you want--or don't want what you don't want. But it's also important to realize that no matter how clear you think you are, sometimes these things change. And that's okay. As I said back in 2014... Change.Your.Mind. Again and again and again...if it means you're listening to the whispers of your Heart.
Rebecca Clio Gould is a Certified Sheng Zhen Teacher and Holistic Wellness Coach. Her specialties include self-love, embodied joy, women's sexuality, spirituality, surgery preparation, and trauma recovery. She is also a Supreme Science Qigong Instructor, Essence vs Form Coach, and Award-winning Author of "The Multi-Orgasmic Diet: Embrace Your Sexual Energy and Awaken Your Senses for a Healthier, Happier, Sexier You."